


Reach Down

by ohno_lovelyvela



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-19 00:05:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16129478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohno_lovelyvela/pseuds/ohno_lovelyvela
Summary: Minho is somewhere far. But its okay because Jisung knows the way there.





	Reach Down

Everything in the living room was still and silent, except for the clock that hung on the wall behind the sofa. Its hands loudly ticked with each passing minute. Its ticking sound was the only thing minho could focus on. Sitting alone with his knees tucked and his head leaning on his folded arms. He had been in this position for hours. Time had already reached the next day. 

It did not wait for him to feel sleepy and retire to his bed before midnight. 

Nor did it stop and accompany him whilst he waited for his lover.

Time, he thought, never waited, and really it never walked away either. In life we all walk along time into the future. Yet whenever something goes wrong we say:

'If only i had more time!'

'If only I can stop time!' 

'If only I can go back in time!'

If only. If only.

If only we stopped and took a look around we would finally realise that what we hate so much is not time.

Minho felt a sigh wanting to break through his lips but he held it in with every short breath he took. It felt as though as if he wanted to do as much as sigh, or just even exhale, he'd crumble down. His hands were starting to get clammy. He stared down at his cats. Both of them curled around each other protectively. Their furry little bodies slowly expanding and then falling back with every easy breath they took.

It had been almost five years since their group decided that its better to stay inactive for a while. What none of them expected was "a while" meant felix going back Australia taking jeongin with him and staying there for five years. Or changbin travelling the world without giving any of them a call. Or chan hibernating, and never really interacting with anyone. Or woojin moving into Seoul university's dorm and taking up studying seriously.

Minho had only managed to see seungmin and hyunjin a few months ago in a restaurant by chance. They were holding hands. Their expressions solemn. Minho should have walked and said hi. He should have walked and asked why? Or whats wrong? when did we go wrong? But instead, upon seeing them his body froze and his heart stopped beating. 

He left running before either of them noticed his presence.

Once, they were all his brothers. He shed tears on them, and they shed tears on him. He hugged them, and they hugged him back. This is the way it was and this is they way it should have stayed like.

When they all drifted apart. Minho thought it was only natural. Because after all channie hyung would probably forget how to execute certain notes on his new music program and he'll call in jisung for help. Or jeonginnie would probably be calling him sooner or later to ask about the shirt he promises he had left in his own gaddamn house but felix managed to snatch.

But none of that happened. Instead all eight of them, minho realised late, took a piece of him and disappeared from his life. 

And when people take piece of you they often chip away the best parts wrap them up and walk away. All minho had been left with were the parts he didn't want either.

His eyes burned with unshed tears. He kept his eyes open unblinking fighting the boiling tears back. He was sick of doing the same thing whenever he was left alone with his thoughts.

As if on cue, his first tear dropped the moment the front door clicked open. Minho can feel his eyes burn even more desperately. Please, his eyes pleaded, let this sadness out of us. 

When jisung walked in, he dropped down his bags and took long strides to where minho was stiffely curled on the sofa. A sob broke out, so loud it might have waken the cats, when jisung gently put his hand on minho's head. Fingers between his growing hair. His hands moved down cupping his cheeks. Jisung's thumb wiped the tears he came to memorise so well now. He looked at minho with knowing eyes, and it made him breakdown a little harder. Minho stood up facing jisung, and then immediatly giving up the small amount of energy he had to fall into jisung. Jisung's arm instinctively wrapped around his thinning frame. 

"lets take a shower first, hmm?", jisung mumbled into his neck. 

Because this is what they do now. 

When jisung comes back late at night dead tired from producing all day in his cramped studio, he comes in hoping minho would be asleep. He doesn't like opening the door to the apartment and seeing the living room's lights on, because then it would mean that minho is not in bed sleeping, but somewhere far away hanging of a cliff by a thread. It would mean that when minho woke him up this morning he was feeling hollow and he'd hate himself for not noticing until a whole day had passed already. 

when they walk in the bathroom jisung notices how minho doesnt look at his reflection in the mirror. It is that kind of day, so jisung threads his fingers between the older's and pulls him close. His lips land right above minho's right lip corner and he stays there for a while. minho doesn't respond. It hurts, but that is the only way he can keep their relationship, and minho, alive. His lip move to fully cover minho's in a chaste kiss, before he starts undressing him.

The water is thankfully warm when they settle in the bath tub facing each other and jisung almost falls asleep, basking in the comfort of minho safe in front of him. In his eyes, jisung can finally see him walking back the distance from where he was on the cliff alone.

It was a huge responisibility to live. To look at yourself and react the way you do. The way someone's actions pull out your human behavior, and how your own human behavior drove people to their own human behaviors. It was a huge responsibility to maintain life as a human, and sometimes minho wanted nothing more than to rid himself of this responsibility. Even if it meant that he couldn't be himself anymore.

Once jisung had asked him, "hyung, you would give up yourself so easily? Even if it meant giving up me as well?", and minho had heard it in his voice, How badly jisung wanted to say 'us' instead of 'me'. Minho hated himself for doing it, but instead of answering, he offered his silence and it screamed louder than anything he could have said. jisung had let out a weak "hyung?" 

but he couldnt answer him still.

still.

Minho looks at jisung now. At how his skin is beautifully a few shade darker than his own. Being like this in the bath tub is enough for minho to get distracted. Having jisung's fingers gently caressing his naked skin so chastely is enough for him crawl away from the cliff he had been sitting on without noticing. He lost 8 pieces of himself, and out of all only one stayed close. 

Jisung's fingers continue to dance on minho's skin softly. They go from his soft cheeks, down to his pale neck, and then his wide shoulders. Minho's chest heaves unbearably alive and human with the water droplits racing down his front. 

Jisung's eyes are droopy when he lazily leans in to kiss minho more passionatly. 

"I love you", he whispers, and when he does it almost sounds like breathing. It was as though he inhaled, and when he exhaled his breath came out in three words. 

Minho wondered how it feel like to be so inlove that you were capable of doing that. He wondered how jisung manged to love someone like him. Someone so selfish. Someone unresponsive like him. 

He loved jisung for many reasons. Jisung was always there for him. Always loving him, and he was aware of the fact that he was hurting him for not loving him back as much. For not recopricating the same type of love he received.

Yet, when he looked at him then. Eyes filled with tiredness and sleepiness that managaed to look alive just for him. Minho felt his heart skip a beat.

He was still at the bottomless pit. Screaming to the void trying to find himself. Trying to builf himself anew, after falling down so far. He was sure of only one thing, holding jisung's face close, he whispered "I need you."

**Author's Note:**

> This piece means alot to me because i wrote it when i had one of my depression episodes and it made me pick up writing again. Lee minho is an extension of my feeling and my life whilst Han jisung is what i wish i had when i was at my lowest. 
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: @ jAi_peach7


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